🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?